I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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