The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
