happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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