That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
