Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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