If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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