Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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