Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
