This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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