That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
