So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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