Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
