We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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