Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
