The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
