best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
