She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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