before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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