I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
this boner is exhausting
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
