I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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