at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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