i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
