I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
