can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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