Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
