i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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