I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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