I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
