I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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