I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
