Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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