Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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