I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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