this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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