I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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