More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
