u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We had to coat check the pizza.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
