Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
