Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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