The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
