I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
