If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
