No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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