Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
