Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
