if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize