Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
