seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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