This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
