There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
