I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
