nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
