Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
