He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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