is your mom at the bar?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
