I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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