Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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