just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
