She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
