question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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