when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
