its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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