so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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