I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
