i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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