so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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