I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
