sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize