Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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