its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
