Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
