my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
