apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
