He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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