I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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