So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
