Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
