return my video game
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We smell like vodka and hangover
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