sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
