I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
