omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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